How To Write Unmaintainable Code

با خواندن مطلب زیر نه تنها مطالب جدیدی یادگرفتم، بلکه به شدت خندیدم. خلاصه‏ای از آن را در اینجا آورده و آدرس آن را نیز در ادامه آورده‏ام.

In the interests of creating employment opportunities in the Java programming field, I am passing on these tips from the masters on how to write code that is so difficult to maintain, that the people who come after you will take years to make even the simplest changes. Further, if you follow all these rules religiously, you will even guarantee yourself a lifetime of employment, since no one but you has a hope in hell of maintaining the code. Then again, if you followed all these rules religiously, even you wouldn’t be able to maintain the code.

* Documentation :
Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.

* Program Design :
The cardinal rule of writing unmaintainable code is to specify each fact in as many places as possible and in as many ways as possible.

*Testing:
I don’t need to test my programs. I have an error-correcting modem.

*Dealing With Others:
Hell is other people.

*Roll Your Own:
You’ve always wanted to write system level code. Now is your chance. Ignore the standard libraries and write your own. It will look great on your resumé.

*Miscellaneous Techniques:
If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.

refs: http://www.web-hits.org/txt/codingunmaintainable.html

گزیده:
لقمان را گفتند: ادب از که آموختی؟ گفت از بی‏ادبان. هر چه از ایشان در نظرم ناپسند آمد، از فعل آن پرهیز کردم.
نگویند از سر بازیچه حرفی — کزان پندی نگیرد صاحب هوش
وگر صد باب حکمت پیش نادان — بخوانند آیدش بازیچه در گوش
گلستان سعدی، باب دوم، حکایت بیستم.